Trailer: FROM PARIS WITH LOVE

Trailer: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Trailer: THE BOOK OF ELI

When East Meets Eastwood: How BEE VANG became an actor, and came to co-star in one of the best films of 2008

At the age of seventeen (as of this writing), Bee Vang has already put behind him the kind of break that many actors spend the majority of their careers trying to land - a co-starring role in a prestigious Hollywood film, directed by and starring an icon of American cinema.

Such was Gran Torino, a 2008 release starring and directed by Clint Eastwood that proved to be one of the most critically-praised films of Eastwood's career. And Bee Vang, who played Thao Vang Lor in the film - the next-door-neighbor who would turn out to be the biggest pain in Clint Eastwood's character's behind ... and, ultimately, his best friend. Vang's performance was praised by critics and fans alike, as well, and has already earned the teen from Minnesota a core group of fans.

Not bad for a guy who had no previous acting experience (or, for that matter, ambitions) going into it all.

Born in Fresno, California, Bee Vang grew up in a big, quite extended family; his Hmong (an ethnic group originating in the mountainous regions of southeast Asia forced, years ago, to flee their homeland in search of political asylum) parents had emigrated to the United States just a few years before his birth, and Bee remembers his childhood as being constantly surrounded by family - literally, with sometimes as many as fifteen people sharing the same home. "It was always cramped, and sometimes tough," Bee says, "but I was so young, it was okay."

When Vang and his immediate family - which includes four brothers and one sister - relocated to Minnesota, it was there that Bee met "Miss D," a teacher who would nurture his artistic side. "I fell in love with the piano and viola," he remembers, "and Miss D always encouraged me; she found me a piano to play on, and bought me a viola." When Miss D passed a few years ago, Vang even played one of her favorite songs at the funeral - and in fact, in an otherwise completely professional yet personable demeanor, it's in talking about Miss D that Bee Vang's voice hints at the emotional bond he still has with his inspirational teacher: "Remember the part in Gran Torino, when I go to help that lady across the street with her groceries?" he asks. "Well, if you listen close, you can hear me call her 'Miss D' in the movie."

It's this kind of honor and respect that led Bee to originally pursue classical music; he was playing by 7th grade, and listening to classical music to sleep. "I found out, though, that I wasn't disciplined enough to be that good," he adds. "That, and I was never really encouraged much by my parents, who wanted me to pursue a more stable career. So after Miss D died (from brain cancer), I was inspired to go into neuroscience and medicine. I volunteered at local hospitals, and even got my CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant certification) through an internship."

But Bee's love for the arts - and, in particular, for film - was rekindled via an apprenticeship with a local Hmong filmmaker. Soon Bee learned, however, that his own ideas and work were a bit too controversial for that market, and by 9th grade he'd left the apprenticeship when there were too many compromises and changes requested of him. Even by this time, Bee had never had any desire or interest in acting ... but then received an email that changed his life.

An ad in the Hmong Times newspaper stated that a film company was seeking local Hmong actors for a feature film. Not expecting anything, Bee sent in his information and a photo - and, to his surprise, was called about an audition. "They called me, and sent me a side (a portion of a film script containing only the lines the actor is to read for his/her audition) to read," Bee recalls. "I prepared and went to the audition, while still juggling school and everything, and six weeks later got the callback. Several more weeks, and they told me I had the role."

And when asked his reaction to landing a major role in a film co-starring and directed by the one and only Clint Eastwood? Bee stifles a chuckle before replying. "I know girls are supposedly more emotional, but I realize maybe guys can be; looking back, I felt like this would give my artistic side a chance again; the opportunity for me to really push myself. I jumped up, screamed - even cried a bit. It was a real life-changing moment. Being Hmong, my parents have always pushed me into a stable career - professor, teacher, doctor - so this was an emotional experience for me." Vang mentions a lack of Eastwood star power at the auditions, "but for me that was good; less intimidating. I was less nervous because of it, and didn't meet Mr. Eastwood until my first day of shooting, three months later."

And for sure, meeting Clint Eastwood that day was something Bee Vang will never forget. "I was scared, but kept looking for him that day. I really wanted to make a good impression, didn't want to go overboard, but just shake his hand - and when I did, I think I said something like 'Nice to meet you, Mr. Callahan'. So much for a good impression!

"Until then I'd seen him as the intimidating, scary guy from the Dirty Harry movies. But he's just a regular person; another human being. He's not a 'star,' he's just ... Clint Eastwood - and I realized he's a very down-to-earth, serious guy."

Vang expands on his impressions of Eastwood further, when asked what working with him was like. "We never really talked on-set, other than our scenes together. He has his own style, and when you're on set he lets you know you're fine and will be taken care of. He's very quiet; I tried to ask him about his career and the industry, ask his advice, but only usually got, like, five minutes with him on set at a time, so it was hard to talk with him - but he told me that he kept that distance on purpose, to keep the same feel of the relationship that Thao and Walt had going on on-screen . So I learned all I could, for as long as I was with him, and also applaud Mr. Eastwood for giving Hmong people a chance to be seen and heard. He (Mr. Eastwood) works way too much, though - acting, directing, post-production; I heard that Gran Torino was going to be his last job as an actor, and I'm proud to have been a part of that."

Because of his outstanding, very realistic performance as Thao, it was natural to ask Bee about similarities he and his character have (warning: a few Gran Torino spoilers here!). "I think I'm smarter than Thao. Smarter, and maybe more aggressive. Thao is passive-aggressive, not as professional in his conversation. But there are similarities. Thao got the car - I got the piano from Miss D. My sister is a wonderful influence in my life, like Thao's. I've been greatly influenced by the women in my life, supported by women - there are many similarities to me and Thao, only if you gave Thao more of a chance to come out of his shell." Bee even remembers a time, like Thao helping his neighbors with the groceries in the film, when Bee himself spotted a blind man once, during the winter, whose path was blocked where he was about to walk. Like Thao, Bee jumped out of the car to help the man.

And that same guy still seems to reside in Bee Vang, even with all the attention the film has brought him. "I'm still very self-conscious. I'd never even given speeches in school. And when the premiere was coming, suddenly I had to give school speeches, interviews, speak in front of forums; I hadn't even prepared what to wear to the premiere! It still seems like a dream, that someone like me could even step up to such heights to work with Clint Eastwood in a film like this - and I remember I even screamed in the car on the way to the premiere. I'm trying, though, to be a better public speaker, and am proud to be a representative of the Hmong people. I like to feel like I helped pave the way in Hollywood a like - like maybe what happened to me was a stepping stone for other Asian and minority actors."

And while he's currently back in school in Minnesota, don't think for a moment that Bee Vang is a one-shot wonder - or going back to medicine. "I'm learning - reading - trying to become better with theater and acting in film. I've starred in a local Hmong filmmaker's film, Fallen City, that's due out in December, and had a small role in another independent film, Anatomically Incorrect. Right now, I'm just trying to study and learn, before eventually leaving for California or New York City." And Vang has good influences for his career goals, as well - favorite actors include Peter O'Toole, Daniel Day-Lewis, Tony Leung, and Leslie Cheung, and Bee cites directors like Chan-wook Park, Wong Kar-wai, Korean arthouse director Kim Ki-duk, Sean Penn, and of course Eastwood himself as his inspirations.

"I'd like to get a degree in acting and filmmaking - to become more known internationally, and work everywhere with directors all over the world. I need to finish college first, then get into film - more movie and acting opportunities. Maybe even directing," he adds with a small sigh.

And with a film Gran Torino as his debut, it seems like Bee Vang may already be well on his way.

ONE MISSED CALL

Director: Takashi Miike

Stars: Kou Shibasaki, Shin'ichi Tsutsumi, Kazue Fukiishi, Anna Nagata

Year: 2003

Rating: R

You can read the review for the 2008 American remake of this J-horror (Japanese horror) film in the archives of this very blog, here; I gave that disaster of a film one star, and in fact thought the experience of watching it so bad, I just knew the original Japanese version would have to be better. Happily, it even exceeded my most humble of expectations.

The plot is the same here - just told so much better, and with a heck of a lot more suspense and tension. Kou Shibasaki plays Yumi, a popular and pretty student about to be thrown into some very weird circumstances ... when her close friend Yoko (Anna Nagata), one night when the two girls are together, receives a call on her cell phone that comes with a strange ringtone she doesn't recognize. Checking the called ID after missing the call, Yoko sees the caller is ... herself. Not only that, but the time and date of the call are a day-and-a-half away. Confused, Yoko checks the voicemail left on her missed call - and the two girls here not only Yoko's voice saying "Oh, it's raining" - but this innocent sentence is soon followed by Yoko's screaming, and then the message cuts off.

The girls are (understandably) freaked out by the message, but soon blow it off as some kind of trick played on Yoko by one of their friends. That is, until 11:04pm the next evening - the exact time and date displayed on the missed call on Yoko's phone - when Yoko is walking home and talking to Yumi on her phone, notices the rain just starting to come down ... and seconds after saying "Oh, it's raining" to Yumi, is killed when she's thrown off a bridge, screaming, onto a moving train.

Yoko's death is declared a suicide, but Yumi knows better. And when the guy Yoko liked - who was in Yoko's address book on her cell - gets a similar missed call, then dies right in front of Yumi's eyes, the pattern of the eerie ringtone that signals you calling yourself from the future, foretelling your own death, begins. It doesn't take long before Yumi finds herself on the receiving end of such a call, and finds herself teaming up with a mysterious man named Yamashita (Shin'ichi Tsutsumi) - whose sister is somehow involved in all of this - with only fourteen hours to find out what's going on ... and stop her own death.

Seemingly borrowing a bit from Ringu, or even Ju-on: The Grudge, in places, One Missed Call still manages to maintain a freshness and suspense that keeps the film well-paced throughout. Like most J-horror, the film relies much more on creating an effective and creepy mood through the building up of tension and dread than outright gore, and here it works very well. There is also, in J-horror style, a hint of sadness to the ghostly tale, once you know what's going on, the story told through symbolism as well as a direct narrative style. While not outright "scary" in the way most Westerners would view horror films, there is a downright creepiness here that will get a bit under your skin, with a few jolts to make you jump in your seat along the way. Even the ending, with its nice twist, is something you don't see coming.

MUCH better than its remake (but isn't that usually the way?), the original Japanese version of One Missed Call (which has two sequels I'd now like to see) is pretty much a must-see if you like J-horror - but remains a suspenseful, chilling ride worth taking even if you don't. ***1/2 - Reel Cool-Reel Awesome

TWILIGHT

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli, Cam Gigandet, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, Taylor Lautner

Year: 2008

Rating: PG-13

At first it seemed a good idea to read the book first, so I avoided seeing this film ... until I realized it might not be such a bad idea to view the movie "fresh" - to avoid the inevitable comparisons between novel and film that might make me enjoy the film less (as, in almost all cases, the novel contains so much more).

Which is, perhaps, why I enjoyed the film version of the first book in Stephenie Meyer's phenomenally-successfully series as much as I did; Twilight is a moody, visually intriguing and dramatic love story that has enough special effects and violence to suck guys into seeing it, as well.

Kristen Stewart stars as Bella Swan, who has just moved from Phoenix to the small town of Forks, Washington to live with her father. Her mother, in Arizona, has a new boyfriend who plays minor league baseball, and Bella wanted to give them their time as they are planning a long, cross-country trip. It's been awhile since Bella has been to Forks, however - plus she's not all that close to her dad. But her mood and pale skin seems to belong in the tiny northwestern town, where fog and rain are far more the norm than the exception.

Enrolling in the local high school, Bella - as the "new meat" - makes a few new friends easily, and definitely has the attention of the local boys - but what intrigues her most are the Cullens, a group of five adopted teens who also attend Forks High School, but never talk to or associate with anyone other than each other. In particular, Bella is intrigued with Edward (Robert Pattinson), the tall, handsome and pale leader of the group who walks around looking all sullen and brooding even as the girls titter about how hot he is whenever he passes by. In Biology class, Bella finds herself sitting next to Edward - seemingly the perfect chance at getting to know him a bit - but on that first day in class, Edward seems to be appalled by - of all things - a scent or smell coming off Bella, and bails from the room minutes after she sits down next to him.

From there, things get weirder; more and more, Edward comes off a both drawn to and repulsed by Bella at the same time. Each encounter they have confuses and irritates Bella, who sees Edward as running hot and cold for her. But when an accident in the school parking lot almost costs Bella her life, everything changes when Edward saves Bella's life - and displays a level of super-human strength and speed that, along with his pale skin and color-changing eyes, starts Bella on a search for the truth that leads her immediately to one word: vampire.

And when Edward can no longer ignore what she knows, he lets down his guard and the two begin a romance that leads to the Cullen family's eventual acceptance of her (well, for the most part) - and to genuine danger for Bella, as a trio of rogue vampires settles temporarily into Forks, with one of them in particular taking not only a predator's interest in the girl ... but also a malicious delight in the idea of destroying Edward.

Twilight, in short, lives up to the hype. Director Catherine Hardwicke, along with a cast of talented young actors, has fashioned a film with a near-perfect blend of drama, romance, and action that should please fans of any of these genres ... without having too much of any of them to annoy non-fans. Stewart and Pattinson do an excellent job of creating the necessary chemistry to make Bella and Edward's love story work, and the look and moodiness of the film perfectly reflect the Pacific Northwest, as well as the story that unfolds. I was thrown, at first, when the movie ended and I realized that not once were actual fangs ever shown - no hissing, spitting vampires here, and even when someone is bitten you never get a hint of over-long incisors doing the deed - but while that omission was more than noticeable, I think in the end the film actually benefits from the lack of toothy grins; somehow, it makes the vamps that much more human - one of us. Even the hint of the wolf-pack to come, in the sequel - along with the very end of the film, which definitely sets up the forthcoming New Moon - was intriguing enough to assure my place in line for the follow-up to this entertaining, visually intriguing film.

But yeah, this reviewer has joined the Twilight bandwagon; happily so. All the hype aside, there's quality here worth seeing. And while I'm glad I didn't read the book first, to keep the film pure, I more than ever want to read the book now. **** - Reel Awesome

Trailer: DISNEY'S A CHRISTMAS CAROL

Trailer: DORIAN GRAY

Trailer: VALENTINE'S DAY

Trailer: PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF

INTO THE WILD

Director: Sean Penn

Stars: Emile Hirsch, Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt, Jenna Malone, Catherine Keener, Vince Vaughn, Kristen Stewart, Hal Holbrook

Year: 2007

Rating: R

Into the Wild is the haunting true story of young college graduate Christopher Johnson McCandless - here played beautifully and effectively by Emile Hirsch. I was told, after seeing the film, that it would stick with me for awhile afterward - something I couldn't see happening, even after I watched the movie. And yet, since seeing it the film has invaded my thought more than a couple of times, and I found myself even having a dream last night in which it was me in McCandless' shoes ... hence the reason I used the word "haunting" - and the reason you should see this film.

Sean Penn (who also wrote the script) shows his finally-honed skills behind the camera here, directing a top-of-the-line cast in the story of McCandless, an athletic college graduate who - simply put - gives up the life and world he knows to explore the country on foot, en route to finally getting to Alaska and living in the wild. He's an educated, good-looking, and highly intelligent guy, a well-read fellow who quotes Kerouac and Thoreau and has a sister (Jenna Malone) who dotes on him - as well as two parents (Harden and Hurt) who seem to have their act together, but who (we learn as the film goes on) are actually quite screwed up, and have emotionally distanced their children from them in the process.

After an early, tense luncheon with this McCandless family, after Chris' graduation from Emory (in which viewers get a good idea of just how they do - and don't - get along), Chris - without telling anyone - donates most of his bank account ($24,000) to charity, burns all his identification and credit cards, and sets out on his eventual journey to Alaska. When his car is trapped in a mudslide fairly quickly, Chris even abandons it (removing and taking the license plate with him, to ditch later), setting off on foot ... and the rest of the film is about his life on the road, on the way to Alaska, and the people whose lives he touches - and those who, in turn, touch and shape him as a man.

Whether a hippie couple who take him under their wing for a bit, a good-natured guy who gives Chris a temporary job processing wheat, or a Danish couple Chris comes across who tell him the best way to kayak into Mexico on a river, Chris travels the United States and marvels at nature at its finest, as he tries to get up enough money to get to Alaska at last.

Which he does, in the opening of the film, and the rest of his tale flashes back and forth between his Alaskan adventure ... and how he got there. Hal Holbrook, Oscar-nominated for his work here, is warm and wonderful as Ron Franz, a guy Chris comes particularly close to, as a grandfather figure, toward the end of his journey to the Alaskan wilderness. But it's Chris' story all the way ...

As well as the story of Mother Nature in all its glory. You not only come to sympathize with and love Christopher McCandless (who, once on the road, goes now by "Alexander Supertramp"), but also to, through him, perhaps examine your own life, and what may or may not really be important in it. It's a long film - nearly 2-1/2 hours - but Penn doesn't waste a frame, and many of those frames are filled with beauty and energy that alone make the film worthwhile.

As does the story of Christopher McCandless. I was very sorry I already knew the ending of this film before seeing it - and I pray if you don't, you will see the film before finding out yourself; the emotional impact of the film may be that much greater if you don't. But either way, this is a film that may be watched through your eyes - yet somehow, reaches past them and your brain and heart to somehow touch your soul. It's quite a film, alternately breaking your heart even as it makes it soar, and I hope anyone who has ever wanted to find themselves in a world so big has a chance to see it. ****1/2 - Reel Awesome-Reel Must-See

ATONEMENT

Director: Joe Wright

Stars: James McAvoy, Keira Knightley, Saoirse Ronan, Juno Temple, Romola Garai

Year: 2007

Rating: R

A moving, beautifully-crafted and ultimately satisfying film (even with its less-than-upbeat ending, or even storyline), Atonement is a fine example of filmmaking that contains two terrific performances by James McAvoy and the (deservedly so) Oscar-nominated Saoirse Ronan.

The film opens in 1935, on the brilliant Ronan as 13-year-old Briony Tallis - an aspiring writer of stories who has just completed her first play. Briony is an introspective, serious girl who tends to take charge of things, and lives with her well-to-do family in the English countryside. She's already had a crush on the handsome gardener, Robbie (James McAvoy) - the son of the mansion's housekeeper - for a couple of years, but soon learns on this day that her older sister Cecilia (Keira Knightley, really stunning here) seems to be beginning a fledgling relationship with Robbie. In fact, when Robbie gives Briony a note to give to Cecilia - a note he accidentally put into the envelope instead of the one he intended to go to her - the nosy Briony reads the note herself ... and that triggers a series of events that ends with Briony accusing Robbie of a horrible crime he did not commit, even though she may really think he did (though that may mostly be due to her jealousy).

Several lives are destroyed with this accusation, and the rest of the film is both Briony's story - of guilt and shame, as she grows older and realizes the truth at last - and the romance of Robbie and Cecilia, as Robbie is forced to serve in the army in order to escape jail, and heads off to France to fight in World War II, all the while longing to both be reunited with Cecilia and clear his name.

To say more would be to reveal too much, but know that everything in the film - from direction to acting to cinematography to costume design to the Oscar-winning musical score - works on a nearly flawless level. The film is compelling, heartbreaking, suspenseful, a bit shocking, and very real in nearly every detail. Ronan is amazing as the young Briony, utterly convincing to the point you'd like to ring her neck for what she's done, and if ever a casting director wondered whether James McAvoy's talent and charisma could carry a film - wonder no more. Keira Knightley adds the right blend of passion and pathos to Cecilia, never overacting in a role it would have been so easy to do so in - and even Juno Temple, as the young cousin Lola, heads a fine supporting cast that help make an already great film work.

The storyline jumps back and forth in time a bit, so this IS a film you can't have on without watching it all the way through - no chatting or leaving the room while it's playing - but then again, it's the kind of film that draws you in and holds you with its story and characters, so that shouldn't be a problem. Atonement is both a film of love and war ... but maybe more, a film that questions whether there are some wrongs - horrible, ghastly wrongs - that can ever be righted again. ****1/2 - Reel Awesome-Reel Must-See

7 FACES OF DR. LAO

Director: George Pal

Stars: Tony Randall, Barbara Eden, Arthur O'Connell, John Ericson, Noah Beery Jr.

Year: 1964

Rating: N/R

I had no idea what to expect from this film; I had heard the title before, knew it starred Tony Randall - but that was about it. When it started out a western, I was less than enthusiastic; somehow the title and a western theme didn't seem to match up at all. But as the movie played out, I fell more and more under its spell; directed by special-effects-wiz-at-the-time George Pal, 7 Faces of Dr. Lao is an enchanting fantasy-western that showcases the both Pal's artistry and Randall's versatility in creating characters.

The film opens with the Chinese Dr. Lao (Randall) arriving in the small, down-on-its-luck western town of Abalone, Arizona in the early 1900's, riding a donkey. Lao wears the stereotypical straw hat, has a long white beard and glasses, smokes a long, thin pipe and speaks like a bad Charlie Chan impersonator - and when he arrives in town, he ties up his donkey, leaving a goldfish bowl on the seat containing one fish, and enters the offices of newspaper publisher/editor Ed Cunningham (John Ericson) to place a full-page display ad.

That ad is about Dr. Lao's circus, which has come to town for the weekend - and between the ad and flyers put up all over town, the citizens of Abalone are more than interested in riding just out of town to attend. The night, however, Lao attends a town meeting as well, where a land developer named Stark (Arthur O'Connell) is trying to buy up all the homes and land from the citizens of Abalone, giving them more than their homes are worth if they'll move. Dr. Lao makes his presence known at the meeting, where publisher Cunningham and a beautiful widowed schoolteacher named Angela Benedict (Barbara Eden, a gorgeous brunette here) seem to be almost the only two people in town who oppose the sale.

The next night, at Lao's circus, the people of Abalone are treated to one interesting and bizarre character after another (all of which are played by Randall): there's Merlin the magician, who seems to be mediocre at best; the Abominable Snowman, who is the muscle and also provides musical and comical entertainment; Medusa, who must be viewed through a mirror or her gaze will turn you to stone; Pan, the god of joy, who allows you to see inside yourself to your deepest fantasies; the Giant Serpent, who allows you to see who you really are inside in his face; and (my personal favorite) Apollonius of Tyana, the fortune teller cursed with telling nothing but the exact, unvarnished truth ... no matter how much misery it causes. And Dr. Lao, of course, plays host to the entire thing.

Each person who visits any of the above is enthralled and changed by his/her experience. In particular, not only are the scenes with Apollonius a bit startling, but Barbara Eden's scene with Pan, for 1964, must have seemed quite daring and even a bit controversial; 45 years later, I was even a bit surprised by how far (again, for its time) the scene went. But it's the second night of the circus that Dr. Lao saves for a special presentation for the people of Abalone; a presentation that shakes up everyone and shapes their town's future.

I ended up loving this film. Randall thankfully ditches the stereotypical Charlie Chan-style accent (for the most part) early on, making Dr. Lao much more convincing, and he's excellent as all the members of Lao's circus, as well (I almost didn't recognize him as Medusa; he looks almost like a young Boy George!). The film is entertaining, funny, charming, and an enjoyable fantasy with a good message at the end that won't hit you over the head. I "discovered" this film, for the first time, on Turner Classic Movies, during a salute to George Pal's work, and I'm really glad I did; this is a wonderful film that's the perfect showcase for just how good Randall could be beyond Felix Unger; he will make you believe, as he says in the film, that "the whole world is a circus, if you look at it the right way." ***1/2 - Reel Cool-Reel Awesome

THE DEPARTED

Director: Martin Scorsese

Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Vera Farmiga, Alec Baldwin

Year: 2006

Rating: R

I'm not exactly sure how a film with such a brilliant, talented cast and one of the industry's best directors can turn out to be such a disappointment ... but, sadly, that's how The Departed played out for me. The film is well-loved by many, Scorsese fans especially, which may make this one of the less popular reviews you'll find here - but sloppy editing and continuity issues threw me right out of the story early on, and to me the script had enough plot holes to make me outright scratch my head in a few scenes; too many "conveniences" in the film lost credibility for me, and I apologize in advance if I can't say much more, because I don't want to give the film away.

Regardless of all the above, Leonardo DiCaprio turns in one of the best performances of his career playing Billy Costigan Jr. - a rookie state trooper brought up on the mean streets of South Boston whose father was basically a "good guy" while the rest of the men in his family were all basically criminals or deadbeats. After Billy graduates from the academy, he's brought into the offices of Captain Queenan - who, along with Staff Sgt. Dignam (Mark Wahlberg) - give Costigan a hell of a work-over about his past, wondering just what side of the law Billy might really be on, underneath.

There's a reason to the grilling, however, beyond getting to the truth; once both officials are sure that Costigan is a cop at heart, they make the guy an offer he can't refuse - and DiCaprio agrees to be part of a scheme that Queenan is hoping will smoke out a mole in the police's Special Investigations Unit division - a mole working for, no less, the biggest crime boss in Boston, Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). The plot involves Billy appearing to be disgraced and thrown off the force committing a crime, and Costigan even cops a short prison term, in order for the entire thing to look legit. Soon, Billy finds himself out of prison and making contacts, getting closer and closer to working for Costello himself ...

As, meanwhile, the real rat at the SIU is none other than its most squeaky-clean cadet, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon). Early in the film, we see Costello befriend Colin and his family, earning loyalty in the future state cop even while he's still a young boy. That loyalty carries over, and as Sullivan - who is smart, and one hell of a manipulator - moves up in the ranks of the police force, he makes sure to keep Costello and his boys constantly informed of every move that could jeopardize them.

Once each new cop's situation is set up, the rest of the film is basically how unusually close their lives parallel (down to sleeping with the same police shrink, played by Vera Farmiga) ... as the two become aware of each other, each trying desperately to learn of the other's identity. Billy comes terribly close, at one point, following Colin (whose face he has not been able to see) down a dark alley - but when Billy's cell phone suddenly goes off ... a cell phone, that is, that was on vibrate a few minutes earlier, when Billy was in the theater where he first spotted Colin and Costello together in the first place.

That's just one example of the sloppy lack of continuity in the film; in some cases, that and the editing are just plain bad (in one instance, toward the end, a character has his hands cuffed behind his back - a major detail in the scene - but then, when he falls up against the wall of an elevator, his left hand automatically jerks out to save his fall, totally free ... yet the camera changes angles a second later, and he's cuffed again). Also, while DiCaprio is mesmerizing as Billy Costigan, there was something about Matt Damon's performance, to me, that just felt like acting; I really couldn't buy his character, especially as the film went on. Jack Nicholson - well hell, I'd watch Jack Nicholson in a TeleTubbies episode (hmm, that would be interesting) ... but as much as I love the guy, here he's definitely playing "Jack Nicholson" more than "Frank Costello" throughout.

The Departed (a remake of the much-better Hong Kong film Infernal Affairs) is a great-looking film, with some truly tense moments and its share of plot twists (even though some of them can be seen coming) - but it's no Casino. Yeah, I know it won Oscars, especially for Scorsese and as Best Picture, and that even Wahlberg was nominated (when DiCaprio should have been, as well). But somehow ... it just didn't do it for me. It's not a bad film - it doesn't suck - but it's also just not what I was expecting; not with this cast and director. **1/2 - Reel Mediocre-Reel Cool

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THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

Director: David Frankel

Stars: Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Simon Baker, Adrian Grenier

Year: 2006

Rating: PG-13

Anne Hathaway shines - and, wonderfully, holds her own against none other than Meryl Streep - in a comedy about a young woman, freshly graduated from college, who moves to New York City in pursuit of a career as a journalist ... only to end up as the second personal assistant to a fashion magazine editor who makes the Marquis de Sade look like Mary Poppins.

You could write on a postage stamp what Andy Sachs (Hathaway) knows about fashion. And the girl couldn't care less about the subject, either, preferring oversized sweatshirts and jeans to anything even closely resembling haute couture. But she's desperate for a job, so when Andy makes it through HR at the high-profile Runway magazine and lands an interview for the second personal assistant position with fashion icon Miranda Priestly (whom Andy has never even heard of), she shows up for the initial interview dressed like Ugly Betty on her first day of work - already antagonizing the first personal assistant, Emily (Emily Blunt), who immediately rejects the girl as having any potential for the job.

But that's when Miranda herself strides into the office, dictating orders and terrorizing everyone within the sound of her voice. To say Miranda is high maintenance is a gross understatement, and to know her is to feel incompetent, so when she demands to interview Andy herself - citing Emily's incompetence at finding her a good second personal assistant - it's a real shocker when Miranda actually hires Andy, telling the girl that her total lack of fashion sense and style are maybe exactly what's needed in the office for a change, if she wants a serious employee not caught up in the business with an eye to only getting ahead.

Andy is thrilled - but soon learns just what hell it is to be a flunkie for Miranda. Running errands all around town, walking her dog, getting her coffee and meals (complete with strict rules on how all are to be prepared), phone calls at all time of day and night - all without a hint of appreciation, and all with the threat of unemployment (and maybe even having your face ripped off) hanging over your head if you so much as screw up one hastily-ordered task. Andy's over-demanding job soon begins to take its toll on her relationship with live-in boyfriend Nate (Adrian Grenier) and her friends ... and when a fashion editor at the magazine who is also Miranda's friend and right-hand man, Nigel (Stanley Tucci), takes Andy in hand - not only making her over, but teaching her a real appreciation for the industry - Andy starts becoming the very kind of woman she's always loathed, even as she starts moving up in both Miranda's eyes AND in her position at the magazine.

The Devil Wears Prada, based on the bestselling novel, is an intelligent and funny comedy with a fine cast headed by the can-do-no-wrong Meryl Streep. I sort of expected Streep's Miranda to be even more bitchy and vicious than she was, after a long time of hearing about this film and seeing bits of it on cable - but Streep reigns in the character well, giving her some humanity far beyond the ice-queen exterior. Hathaway, of course, is charming as Andy, almost pulling off the "plain Jane" bit at first, even though you know the true and startling beauty that she'll blossom into before The End; and even Tucci turns in an Oscar-worthy supporting performance as Nigel, while Emily Blunt is funny as the exasperated first personal assistant to "hell on heels."

Worth watching for Streep alone, this is a great comedy that may even have something to teach the nay-sayers, who just don't "get it" about why fashion is the multi-million dollar business it is. Ably directed by Marley & Me's David Frankel, this one is definitely more comedy than tearjerker - and well worth seeing - even if you can sort of see the ending coming a mile away. ***1/2 - Reel Cool-Reel Awesome

CHANGELING

Director: Clint Eastwood

Stars: Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Jeffrey Donovan, Amy Ryan, Jason Butler Harner, Michael Kelly

Year: 2008

Rating: R

Based on a harrowing true story, Changeling opens in March of 1928, in Los Angeles, and tells the story of Christine Collins - a "modern woman" who works hard as a telephone operator supervisor to help support herself and her 9-year-old son Walter, after her husband ran out on them some years ago.

Life's tough right now, but Christine and her son enjoy a good relationship; he means the world to her, and she escorts him to school on the trolley every day, trying to devote all her time outside work to him. One Saturday, when the two of them are supposed to go to a movie, Christine gets called into work instead and has to leave the dejected Walter at home alone, arranging for a couple of friends to look in on him as she promises to be home early. When works keeps her late, Christine arrives home as dark is just settling in ... only to find that Walter is nowhere to be found. After frantically searching the neighborhood and making phone calls to find him, Christine calls the police for help - only to learn that they won't do anything until her son has been missing at least twenty-four hours.

The next morning, a couple of cops finally come to take her report, and so begins a frantic search by the L.A. police for Walter Collins. It's important, to understand the film, to understand that the LAPD, back in 1928, was peopled with many corrupt cops and officials; many officers were on the take, and in fact a large group of those policemen out on the streets in that day were part of "The Gun Squad" - a group of vicious, cold-blooded men who were outright told to clean up crime (in those days, more like the competition) by killing whoever got in the way of doing so. Back in those days, you feared the police more than counted on them ...

Or so says Reverend Gustav Briegleb (John Malkovich), a local religious leader with his own radio show who is determined to end police and political corruption in Los Angeles (NOT an easy task, even today). To Briegleb, trusting the police is like putting your life on the line -

And no one knows this more than Christine Collins, who - five months after his disappearance - is overjoyed when Captain J. J. Jones (Jeffrey Donovan) contacts her to let her know they've found her son in DeKalb, Illinois. The reunion is arranged at a train station, with a battalion of reporters and photographers present to give the local police the much-needed dose of positive publicity they so desperately need ... only when "Walter Collins" steps off the train with the matron sent to collect him, Christine sees immediately that this is not her son.

She tells Jones, who refuses to believe her, trying to convince her that of course Walter looks different after his harrowing ordeal - paler, thinner, etc. - but Christine is buying none of it. At last, for the reporters' sake, Jones convinces her to play up that nothing is wrong - and eventually Christine takes the boy home, just because he has no one else, while she still pushes and pushes the police to continue the search for her son.

Things get ugly from here, as no one in law enforcement believes her - they think she's hysterical, delusional, and soon Christine is even accused of wanting to "dump" her son on the state so she can go back to enjoying the single life she got used to during his disappearance. The boy himself continues to swear he is Walter Collins, and won't waver in his story - even as Christine notices that this child is a few inches shorter than her son, and is circumcised when her son is not.

But the cops - particularly Captain Jones - come up with excuses for it all, even implying that Christine Collins is going mad. That's when Reverend Briegleb gets involved, working with Christine as she begins putting together written testimonials from Walter's dentist, teacher, etc. saying that this boy is NOT Walter Collins ... but by this time she's pushed too hard, causing too much trouble for the corrupt police, and a routine trip to the police station ends with Christine's being declared mentally incompetent and taken away to an asylum, where she learns just how deep (particularly when it comes to women) the corruption of those in charge extends.

Changeling is a beautifully acted and directed film, with a flawless performance by Angelina Jolie as real-life Christine Collins, a woman who fought to the end to learn the fate of her missing son. John Malkovich and Jeffrey Donovan head a strong supporting cast, in a film that remains tense throughout and will have you rooting for Christine every step of the way to not only find Walter, but to also get back at her attackers and expose them for what they are. Nominated for Oscars for cinematography, art direction, and best actress, the film deserved at least a fourth nod at Eastwood, who has proven himself over and over as one of the best directors in film today - here telling the tragic, yet life-affirming story of a mother determined to go to hell and back to bring her boy home. **** - Reel Awesome

EYES IN THE NIGHT

Director: Fred Zinnemann

Stars: Edward Arnold, Ann Harding, Donna Reed, Katherine Emery, Reginald Denny, Friday the dog

Year: 1942

Rating: N/R

Eyes in the Night is a taut, suspenseful action thriller set during the early years of World War II. Edward Arnold stars ad Duncan "Mac" Maclain, a celebrated detective who happens to be blind. Solving his cases with the help of his seeing-eye dog Friday, Mac and Friday are called into service when Mac's good friend Norma Lawry (Ann Harding) asks his help in trying to drive away an old beau, who is now after Norma's 17-year-old stepdaughter Barbara (Donna Reed) and has already turned the girl's mind against Norma, seemingly just to get back at her.

Mac's first suggestion is that Norma try and talk to the guy - see him one on one, and boldly tell him to lay off - but when Norma's ex is murdered and Donna becomes convinced that Norma did it and threatens to tell the police unless Norma leaves her father for good, it's up to Mac and Friday to investigate and clear Norma's name.

But what the detective doesn't count on is that all is not right in the Lawry home, period - thanks to a secret that Norma's scientist husband is working on for the government, that some very unsavory (and unpatriotic) characters would do anything to get their hands on. Posing as Norma's uncle, Mac infiltrates the house, trying to sort through the mess - and soon a second murder and some enemies posing as friends threatens not only Mac and the Lawrys ... but also national security.

This film is a real gem I happened to catch on Turner Classic Movies. The casting is perfect - down to Friday, an amazing dog that pretty much steals every scene he in and makes both Lassie and Rin Tin Tin look lazy. Comic relief is provided here and there, especially by Mantan Moreland as Mac's butler, and the actual mystery of who killed who is solved not even halfway through the film - but by then the intrigue of the spy story has kicked in fully, and both the action and tension stay taut through to the end. Edward Arnold is utterly convincing as the blind Duncan Maclain, leading an excellent cast, and it was even kind of cool to see Donna Reed play a not-so-nice gal with attitude here.

While the film isn't perfect, it has just the right amounts of suspense, mystery, humor and action to make it more than enjoyable, and for a film released in 1942 the storyline is exceptionally sensitive in depicting how blindness can not only stop someone from living his life - but actually aid him in fighting crime. What an enjoyable surprise - one that, it appears, viewers can catch in its entirety on IMDB, if you don't have Turner Classic Movies - one I'm truly happy I took the time to see. ***1/2 - Reel Cool-Reel Awesome

Trailer: WHITE ON RICE

Trailer: TAKERS

Trailer: SURROGATES

Trailer: GENTLEMEN BRONCOS

NOT EASILY BROKEN

Director: Bill Duke

Stars: Morris Chestnut, Taraji P. Henson, Jenifer Lewis, Maeve Quinlan, Eddie Cibrian, Kevin Hart

Year: 2009

Rating: PG-13

Bill Duke's film about what happens when marriage - and life in general - hits you with the hardest of curve balls works on one level ... and falls painfully short on another. Though well-cast with talented actors (including recent Oscar-nominee Taraji P. Henson), it's perhaps the script - written by Brian Bird and based on the novel by T.D. Jakes - that somehow falls short, making the film sometimes come off as more soap opera than drama ... the characters less than three-dimensional.

Morris Chestnut stars as Dave Johnson, a man lucky enough to find the woman of his dreams in Clarice (Henson), whom he happily marries with his eye on the rookie major-league baseball contract he's just signed. The wedding comes off perfectly ... but then the film cuts to over a year later, where we learn (via narration from Chestnut, a staple of the film) that the baseball career has ended after one year, thanks to a leg injury, and now Dave drives a beat-up truck for his one-man construction business, while Clarice has developed quite a career for herself selling high-end real estate. It is, in fact, that career that keep the Johnsons in a huge house in an exclusive neighborhood, with a sky-high mortgage, while Dave tries to get his own "career" off the ground ... while still coaching a local little league team with his best buddies Brock (Eddie Cibrian) and Tree (Kevin Hart), in the hopes of passing his own baseball career dreams onto the boys.

Since their marriage, Clarice seems to feel the stress of being the main bread-winner; she's turned fairly shrewish, constantly harping on and putting down her husband - particularly his devotion to the little league team. One evening, when Dave is late coming home on the night of Clarice's award banquet (she's won Realtor of the Year for her company), the two have a bitter and heated argument on the way to the ceremony ... during which they are the victims of a vicious (and very well-filmed) crash, when another car runs a red light and smashes into Clarice's side of their car.

Dave is left with a few cuts and bruises, but Clarice nearly loses her life and is left with a twisted and broken leg that also twists and breaks her spirit. Her mother (Jenifer Lewis, wonderful here) - who's never particularly gotten along with Dave, and blames him for the accident - moves in with the young couple, causing further tension, and soon Dave and Clarice seem to be on the way out ... especially when Dave starts to find himself getting feelings for the physical therapist helping Clarice to recover (Maeve Quinlan), a white woman with a young son that reminds Dave of his own longing to be a father - a longing Clarice has never supported.

Not Easily Broken is a decent drama with appropriate touches of comic-relief moments (nicely supplied by Kevin Hart in particular), two problems with the film, for me, became obvious upfront. First, Dave is too perfect; the guy is perfectly painted a victim here, as he's not only a good guy - but the perfect guy. Not without flaws, certainly - but seemingly without a negative trait in him (which, of course, makes the mother-daughter team of Henson and Lewis' characters come off that much worse). And to me, in the film, that just came off a bit unrealistic.

Secondly (and worse), the thrust of the film - particularly in the beginning - isn't driven by the actions or attitudes of the characters (as any good film is), but instead by fate and what happens TO them. First there's Dave's injury on the baseball field, ending his brief career before it even really begins ... and then the car accident that leaves both Clarice and the Johnson marriage shattered. Really, there were a couple of times in the film when I thought, "Damn, what else could happen to these people?" - and the lack of plot revolving around the characters and what they've directly done or caused sort of gave the entire film a false note for me.

That said, Not Easily Broken is a decent-enough movie about what happens when life pushes you to the edge ... to the point where you have to learn how to live anew. It's a nice afternoon's diversion, or a well-acted drama worthy renting, with a nice ending that may make you shed a tear or two ... though not Duke's best work, by far. **1/2 - Reel Mediocre-Reel Cool

GRAN TORINO

Director: Clint Eastwood

Stars: Clint Eastwood, Bee Vang, Christopher Carley, Ahney Her, John Carroll Lynch
Year: 2008

Rating: R

One of the best films of 2008 - and one of my favorite films ever - Gran Torino shows off Clint Eastwood at the height of his career as both director and actor.

Here he plays Walt Kowalski, a recently-widowed Korean War vet who, as a character in the film later points out, is "still living in the 1950s." Racist, grouchy, irascible and opinionated, Walt - with the death of his wife - suddenly finds himself all alone in the world. Sure, he has two sons - both spoiled, self-absorbed, and fairly uncaring human beings - but they're busy raising their own families, and pretty much only care about Walt in terms of what they may get as an inheritance later. With only his dog Daisy for company, Walt is more than happy to keep them away from him - but he can't get away from the fact that he lives in a decaying neighborhood in suburban Michigan, where gangs are taking over the streets and he may just be the last white guy in the area.

This is never more evident than when Walt catches the young Vietnamese man who lives with his family next door, Thao (newcomer Bee Vang, in an outstanding, understated performance), trying to steal his most prized possession - his 1972, mint-condition Gran Torino ... but then later actually saves Thao's life, when Thao's dragged from his home by his cousin and the Asian street gang he belongs to. Walt's actions, in saving Thao, earns him the respect of - and many gifts from - Thao's family and the other Hmong/Vietnamese families in the neighborhood, who adorn his porch steps with food and flowers alike. Walt's not having none of it, though, and tosses everything in the trash ... but soon Thao's older sister, Sue (Ahney Her), slowly begins to break through Walt's tough exterior - even through all his racist remarks and sarcastic mouth, and unlikely friendship is born that even extends to Walt becoming a mentor of sorts to Thao, as he tries to "man up" the guy to better prepare him for life.

And somehow, through it all, as Eastwood's character still remains ornery and a racist and and a bitter old man who "knows more about death than life" - Walt also remains a man you can't help but grow to love. Eastwood's performance is perfection; Walt never comes off as caricature, and often is as humorous as he is shocking in his behavior. The film is, in fact, funny, touching, suspenseful, and dramatic - yet never corny or overly-sentimental, and never falls into melodrama; Eastwood's character never evolves into a kindly, old Ernest Borgnine-type grandpa, like a bad Hallmark Channel TV-movie, but instead remains just as cranky and bitter as ever throughout ... and the film still works beautifully. It's a touching and very real story that rides squarely on Eastwood's shoulders - and good GOD, does he handle it (both in front of and behind the camera) masterfully. A wonderful, inspiring and courageous film that deserves all the accolades it's received ... and more. ***** - Reel Must-See

Trailer: BLACK DYNAMITE

HOLLYWOODLAND

Director: Allen Coulter

Stars: Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Ben Affleck, Bob Hoskins, Robin Tunney, Lois Smith

Year: 2006

Rating: R

Set in Hollywood in 1959, Hollywoodland introduces viewers to two men with seemingly nothing in common: actor George Reeves, who began his career as one of the Tarleton twins in Gone With the Wind, only to see his career pretty much tank into oblivion when "The Adventures of Superman" made him a star and kiddie icon; and Louis Simo, the media/fame-hungry private eye who would become obsessed with the suspicious circumstances surrounding Reeves' alleged suicide.

The film opens with Reeves' death from a gunshot room, late one evening. He is found nude and dead in his bed, and even though he had several guests in his home at the time of the killing - none of whom called the cops for the first 45 minutes after hearing the gunshot - the police quickly declare the death a suicide, and the case is closed.

But Reeves' mother, Helen Bessolo (Lois Smith) isn't buying it, and is eventually talked into hiring seedy private eye Louis Simo (Brody) to look into her son's death as a homicide. Simo, who himself doesn't think much of the mom's suspicions one way or another (he's only into it for the money, as he is with everything), soon starts learning some very unusual things about the crime scene, and all the people involved ... and the more he learns, the more he thinks Helen Bessolo might just be right, after all.

Could it have been Leonore Lemmon (Robin Tunney), Reeves' fiancee, because Reeves had just recently called off the engagement? Better still, how about Toni Mannix (Diane Lane), the "older woman" and wife of studio executive Eddie Mannix (Bob Hoskins), who had been having a long-term affair with Reeves, who'd been respnsible for buying Reeves everything from his house to his clothes to his jewelry - only to be thrown over for the younger Lemmon? Toni Mannix had been stalking and harassing both Reeves and Miss Lemmon, after all. Or what about her husband, Mr. Mannix, who would not only have the power in town, but also enough money to not only get the murder done, but also hush it up?

Simo continues to poke and prod, seemingly not making a lot of lee-way until he's beaten up in his own apartment and told to let the case go. Meanwhile, as he continues to probe the case while dealing with an ex-wife and young son (who is traumatized, like many children at time were, by the apparent, cowardly suicide of the guy they thought of as "The Man of Steel") , the film flips back and forth between the lives of Reeves and Simo, chronicling not only the case but also striking some similarities in the two men's lives ... as Simo learns more and more about the secrets of the people behind the case - even learning some unflattering truths about Reeves' own mother.

Hollywoodland is a well-made, well-acted (yeah, even by Affleck, who actually pulls off an excellent performance channeling George Reeves) and riveting story that sticks very close to the real events surrounding both Reeves' life and death. Louis Simo's character is fictitious, based loosely on three people involved at the time who have been molded together into this one character - but the other players in the game are real, and make for interesting, intriguing viewing. Diane Lane is terrific as Toni, a woman desperate to keep her young boy-toy after the years have seemingly made them grow even further apart in age ... and as Louis Simo, Adrien Brody is perfectly cast and quite exceptional as the character who both carries the film and holds it together. Affleck, not known for his acting chops, even gives Reeves the proper amount of charisma and vulnerability that makes you sympathetic toward him, even as he grows to truly loathe the character that both made him a star and ruined his career.

The film evokes its vintage Hollywood setting - a time when television was at its prime in popularity, and the studio system was losing its grip on calling all the shots in movie-making - masterfully; it's brooding and grungy during Simo's story, more colorful and Hollywood-during-its-heyday-like while Reeves' tale is told. And while the ending might not fully satisfy those seeking a hardcore, cut-and-dried resolution to Reeves' death, this is still a film the fully reflects the Hollywood of its time - and the price of fame for those in the game to win. ***1/2 - Reel Cool-Reel Awesome

MEET THE SPARTANS

Directors: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

Stars: Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Kevin Sorbo, Ken Davitian, Diedrich Bader

Year: 2008

Rating: PG-13

Kim Novak said it best in The Mirror Crack'd: "I could eat a can of Kodak, and puke a better movie!" Quite possibly the UNfunniest comedy I've seen in years, Meet the Spartans is one dead, lame joke after another for about one hour and ten minutes of film ... that is then followed by another (almost) twenty minutes of credits that shows all the deleted scenes in one equally-unfunny swoop.

The film - a Scary Movie-style spoof on 300 and a number of other films - stars the amazingly-buff Sean Maguire (whose work I've always enjoyed, 'til now) as Leonidas, a Spartan warrior weaned from a very young age to become king. In opening shots, we get some "hilarious" examples of the physical tortures Leonidas endured, during his growing up, in preparation for his role as Spartan leader, and as the film opens Leonidas and his faithful, second-in-command captain (Kevin Sorbo) receive news that Sparta is in danger of being attacked Xerxes and his Persian army. Leading a band of buffed misfits - who don't walk, but skip like Dorothy on the yellow brick road in The Wizard of Oz on their journey to battle (while holding hands, no less) - Leonidas' small band of men seek to head off the Persians and kill them, therefore saving Sparta.

That's pretty much the plot - if you fill the rest in with: tiresome scenes of Leonidas throwing everyone from Britney Spears to "Dane Cook" to "Sanjaya" from "American Idol" (and the entire judging panel from said show) into the Pit of Death (nearly all such "guest stars" in the film, by the way, are played by look-a-likes, hence the quotes above); Leonidas "training" his young son for battle by beating the crap out of him; joke after joke about homosexuality, and how gay Spartan males were (the men shake hands and kiss on the mouth whenever greeting each other); an overly-long You Got Served-style dance-off between the Spartans and the Persians; lame site gags with ancient Spartans using modern technology like cell phones and laptops; haphazard and nonsensical produce endorsements for Gatorade, Dentyne Ice and the like; and even Borat alum Ken Davitian accidentally ripping off one of his nipples.

Yep, you read it right - and that's what to expect from Meet the Spartans. Sean Maguire is okay, overacting his way through the idiotic script, and Kevin Sorbo plays it straight enough to be watchable. Heck, "MadTV" star Nicole Parker is probably the funniest person in the film, playing Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and Paula Abdul, among others - she was the only person in the movie who even got a chuckle out of me. And if you're hoping for any nudity from Carmen Electra, who plays Leonidas wife, forget it - but if you're into really buffed male bodies, there's definitely enough eye candy to keep you going for the film's short running time.

Other than that, there's not a single reason to even rent this dud - and if it happens to be the only thing on cable one day, when you're bored at home alone, I suggest go take a walk instead. Meet the Spartans is just that unfunny, and that badly written; a bunch of site gags and one-liners strung together and flung at the audience so broadly, the film even has to make its own reference as to where the joke is from - as if to make sure you get the joke.

Pretty desperate stuff, in a pretty dismal film. * - Get Reel