LEGION

Director: Scott Stewart
Stars: Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Lucas Black, Kevin Durand, Adrianne Palicki, Tyrese Gibson
Year: 2010
Rating: R

I really, REALLY wanted to like this film. Loved the cast, premise, and look of the trailer long before the film premiered in theaters. Even after its release, with some of the more negative reviews rolling in, it seemed a good idea to hold judgment until seeing the film myself.

Sadly, in this case, Legion (for the most part) lives up to the negative hype.

Paul Bettany stars as Michael, an angel sent on a mission from God to destroy all of mankind. See, God is ROYALLY ticked off at mankind and what they've done with themselves; so much so, he has lost all faith in all he's created down here, and feels no hope of things turning around soon, so sends his favorite angel to do the deed.

Problem is, Michael doesn't agree. He does, indeed, still see the hope of humankind's salvation - and refuses to do God's bidding. Instead he goes rogue and comes down to earth, having fallen out of God's good graces ... where he is determined to save mankind instead, even if it means going head to head with Gabriel (Kevin Durand), the angel God has picked as his replacement.

Salvation comes in the form of the unborn child of a Arizona waitress named Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), who works in a grubby diner in a remote part of the desert. Michael lands on earth, stitches his back shut to hide the wings tucked in there, and cops a police car, heading out to the diner to find Charlie ...

As we're introduced to the young waitress, working, her humdrum life about to turn anything BUT humdrum as she tries to figure out how she will raise her child, once it arrives. The diner is owned by Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid) and his son Jeep (Lucas Black, very endearing here), and Jeep - though not the father of Charlie's unborn baby - clearly loves Charlie in his virginal little way, wanting to help her raise her child. She wants none of it, however, not wanting to burden Jeep with her problems.

This particular afternoon, at the diner, Jeep has his hands full trying to fix a Mercedes, owned by a traveling couple (Jon Tenney and Kate Walsh) who are moving to Scottsdale with their mouthy, disrespectful daughter, Audrey (Willa Holland) in tow, when their car happened to break down. Tyrese Gibson, as a motorist who has gotten lost in the desert, is added to the mix, along with the diner's fry cook, Percy (Charles S. Dutton) ...

Just as things get truly ugly. A tiny, sweet, apple-cheeked grandma on a walker enters the diner, ordering a raw steak from Charlie. When given her meal, in her most sing-song voice the woman informs Charlie that her baby is going to burn - that, in fact, all babies are going to burn very soon. Charlie thinks she's insulting her, storms off angry into the kitchen - and this is when the fireworks begin, as the sweet little old lady turns feral, teeth turning to spikes and eyes going dark ... and literally crawls the walls after attacking a diner patron, when those in the diner fight back (all the trailers/TV ads showed this scene from the film, which was a real shame; it's the kind of scene that would have been much better off a surprise), eventually killing her.

Michael arrives soon after - and behind him, those who remain alive and nearby. See, a large part of the population has now become possessed by God's angels, sent here to rid the earth of mankind, and it seems their first item on the "to-do" list is to kill Charlie and her unborn child.

WHY is never made clear. In fact, there are several such plot holes and motivational issues like this in the screenplay, which ends up coming off as a mish-mash of Terminator mixed with Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, mixed with Night of the Living Dead (or any zombie movie George Romero ever put his hands on, for that matter). Paul Bettany, a terrific actor, mumbles many of his lines through a voice filled with gravel, and the acting throughout (except for maybe via Lucas Black and Kevin Durand, who stand out above the level of the material) is a bit on the hammy, even melodramatic side. The special effects are pretty cool, and the film looks great - but the plot is a mess, and the film seems to be trying to tell, in about a hundred minutes, a huge story way too big for the running time.

The story and acting are the biggest disappointments; you never really get to know, relate to, or even care about any of the characters. And when it's a handful of diner patrons and employees versus a horde of possessed, supernatural creatures many times their size - with only Michael and the arsenal of firepower he's managed to acquire standing between them and death, any viewer in his or her right mind will wonder why the hell the angels just didn't take out Charlie, the baby, and the rest in the first reel, and be done with it!

Really, REALLY wanted to like this movie, but Legion turned out to be a bit of an unbelievable, nonsensical mess, posing as a deep story with a message, as well as some heavy Christian undertones. The message gets through okay (and the ending, overall, isn't bad) - it's just that by the time it gets to you, you might not care what it is anymore. *1/2 - Get Reel-Reel Mediocre